By the time this blog post goes live, I will be without a regular “day job” for three weeks. As I am writing it, it has been one week.
So what is it like to not have a regular day job anymore?
Frankly, it is scary as Hell.
What if I don’t make enough money to pay my bills? What if I don’t know what I am doing? What if everyone thinks I am nuts? And a thousand more “what-ifs”
It’s weird. Initially, I told myself I would work at the Chanute Public Library for one year. That was seventeen years ago.
My list of plausible reasons as to why I stayed would be a mile long. But what it came down to was fear.
I could write a book about my experiences working in a small rural Kansas library. The first event that comes to mind? The patron that did not understand when their dog ate HALF of the book; why they were expected to pay to replace ALL of the
Yes, that actually happened.
But then, then there were the patrons that brought you snacks, or even an entire meal. Just because they wanted you to know they appreciated their library.
The elderly patrons, the ones you watched as their health declined with each subsequent visit. Whose daughter was sure to win the spelling bee. Whose cattle were sick, whose crop got harvested before the storm, whose grandchildren were being born and whose grandparents had died? Or even worse, whose grandchild had died.
They, in turn knew as much about you and recommended books they thought you would enjoy. Because they had seen you once examine the cover of the new Anne Lamott as you prepared it for circulation.
So what changed?
I won’t go into great detail about her here. But my older sister died. She was three years older than me. The sibling I was the closest to for all of my life. She died suddenly one day on the way to work.
So I’m not waiting any more.
There will never be the “perfect” time. I have dabbled with my art as a side hustle over the years. I have a degree in Art. The clock is ticking.
No, I am not retiring. I am not quitting to spend more time with my grandchildren. Although I have THE most assume grandchildren on the planet. But that is another post. I am merely moving on into the role and performing the tasks; I feel I am supposed to fulfill during my time here.
I’m sure I will make mistakes. I will question if this was the right move because I tend to over analyze everything anyway! And there is the indisputable fact that I am 55 so what about retirement? Or I could look at it as “I am 55, why wait until retirement? What if retirement never comes?” Either way, I am doing it.
So here I go…